I've never been the one that was so emotional. But now that I lost everything the only thing I can do is feel the pain that is a constant reminder that I failed. No matter how hard I tried to keep everybody save, I'm nothing more than a failure in the end. So I need an escape every time, because I'm just not ready to face everything. It's better just the push things deep down, so for a while I can forget everything. The place was familiar after all this time I showed up here for his help, so at this point I moved into his place like it was a second home. Or an acutal one. Because this was the place that provided me with the one thing I really desired. - Thank you very much. - I went a little farther in to sit on the couch while I was waiting. I liked that he never really asked why I needed this. But then again I guess that is what my money for, his silence. - It's totally fine, I like it black anyways. - At least in the last couple of months I found comfort in the bitterness of it. Most of the times I switched how I drunk my coffee based on my mood, but now it's nothing but darkness and never changes. I took the cup and swallowed a bit of the bitter coffee that started to warm my insides. - I don't have to be anywhere else so I can wait don't you worry. - I was grateful for everything he was doing so I'm not going to complain just because I have to wait for a little while. Besides I kind of like his company.
He stepped aside slightly, letting the girl in, following her with his gaze for a longer moment before he'd close the door; sometimes he wondered what it was that had her coming back once in a while to him, asking for the same favor every time. He maybe even considered asking about it a few times, wondering if there was anything else he could've done - all just momentary, passing thought before he'd realize that it wasn't his place to meddle in anyone's business. There was a reason why he stayed away from shadowhunter business - no matter which side they belonged to. - Sure. Make yourself comfortable, I'll grab a cup for you in a sec. - He flashed a small smile at her, making his way to the kitchen; ignoring the dishes piling up on the kitchen counter, he reached for a clean mug, zoning out for a second as he poured coffee in it. When he thought about it properly, it was ridiculous that he had this extensive collection of cat-patterned cups, having way too much of those than he needed to have; but it was probably just one of those things that he did to maintain a little bit of humanity. To be fair, he probably didn't have that much of it. - I don't have any sugar though so you'll have to brace through it. Hope you don't mind. - He set the mug down in front of Dorothy with a small smile; he took a quick mental note of ordering groceries later, but that was definitely a concern for the future Cain. - And once we're finished, I'll get what you came for, just... Let me get my daily caffeine, I'm majorly dysfunctional without it.
There were so many thoughts in my head that it felt like they were all screaming at me so that I could hear them. But it only made everything worse. I never wanted to escape my thoughts, my feelings and sometimes I actually wished that I could just be a brainless zombie like the dark shadowhunters originally were. But I wasn't that lucky. No. I felt everything, I had my own will to do anything I wanted. I couldn't ask Elowen to make me not care, or forget everything that ever mattered to me and lost. All the hope that I'll find my brother and we can reunite went down the drain when the only thing I could find out about him that he was missing and no one really saw him. Maybe he disapeared just like mom did all those years ago. But the worts part is probably that I couldn't even find dad. Maybe that's a good thing. I doubt he could accept me the way I am even if it wasn't my choice to make. I needed a fix and I needed it now. The good thing I already knew where to go to get what I want. After he opened the door I walked in confidently since it wasn't a strange place after all, not to mention I was never the one known for being shy. I mean I really punched a guy just because he bad mouthed my brother and it felt amazing. The good old days. The easy ones. That's exactly what I need. - Yeah, sure. Thanks. - Even though I didn't want to stay for too long he wasn't really a stranger anymore so I could be fine with a little smalltalk. Not to mention it's not smart to be rude to the only person who knows how to ease the pain.
The first thing Cain noticed was how quiet the house was without Josie in it; it felt ridiculous how quickly he got used to living with someone after living alone for decades, and he couldn't find his place now that he was alone, constantly fighting the urge to text or call the young vampire. He should've asked if he could accompany him while he took care of some personal business he had - but it would've felt like crossing a boundary that they never crossed before, so he resigned of that at the very last second... And regretted it ever since. Boredom almost got the best of him - that until he got that message from an acquaintance he hasn't seen in a while: Dorothy Greenwood. To be fair, the message surprised him; after all they fell out of contact for a few weeks, and during that time he was wondering if she was alright, if she was still out and about the things she was usually doing. He was almost relieved knowing that she was alright - well, as alright as someone resorting to buying shady concoctions from him could've been. But then again, who was he to judge? He was almost sure that he was just as damaged in a way as she was - and probably that was the reason that he couldn't say no to her. Compassion. Cain barely just started his morning coffee when there was a knock on his door; he opened up with a small smile, stepping out of the way to let the girl in - after all, he wasn't going to do business in the doorway. - Hey, come in... You want a coffee? I just made some.
It wasn't the first time and certainly wouldn't be the last one. My need to go back to the simpler times where everything felt right and we were all together as a family was greater than anything else. I even begin to deny reality just because it hurt too much. I didn't just want an escape I desperately needed it too. I was well aware of the dark path that I took. Yet for some reason, I couldn't make the better choice to face my demons. I wanted to hide from them because when I did they couldn't torture my already broken soul. I wanted to find my brother or any evidence that he might still be alive. But he's gone and forgotten just like my mother. Maybe there was something else behind the disappearances that I couldn't see the way he did. I'm guessing now that I'll never figure it out because I lost him too. I lost everything. He was the only thing that kept me fighting, kept me hoping. Now the only way for me to feel like that again is to escape the cruel reality. I know my way around this place because it wasn't the first time I've been here. I know that I was tricking myself with the potions but I couldn't handle reality when it was constantly so painful. I knocked on his door just like the other times waiting for him to open it up, so that we can get through this exchange. I didn't want to waste too much time around here because I didn't want people to get suspicious about me disappearing time and time again. When he finally opened the door I forced a smile on my face like he didn't know exactly what he was giving me. - Hey.
Kezdőlap
Tárgy: Re: Dorothy && Cain 
I've never been the one that was so emotional. But now that I lost everything the only thing I can do is feel the pain that is a constant reminder that I failed. No matter how hard I tried to keep everybody save, I'm nothing more than a failure in the end. So I need an escape every time, because I'm just not ready to face everything. It's better just the push things deep down, so for a while I can forget everything. 
He stepped aside slightly, letting the girl in, following her with his gaze for a longer moment before he'd close the door; sometimes he wondered what it was that had her coming back once in a while to him, asking for the same favor every time. He maybe even considered asking about it a few times, wondering if there was anything else he could've done - all just momentary, passing thought before he'd realize that it wasn't his place to meddle in anyone's business. There was a reason why he stayed away from shadowhunter business - no matter which side they belonged to.